I Love This Kid

Here is another amazing thing that very recently in my life. I was “reunited” with an old friend. By reunited I just mean I saw him and got to catch up with him after a few years. Seeing him almost made me want to cry, he is just an amazing person. He is unique, loving, caring, light hearted, and he has a great passion for the Lord. God has been doing some great things in his life too, he doesn’t know it yet (because we haven’t had enough time to talk about it) but we are in very similar parts of our lives right now. 

     I am realizing now, after five or six years, that I don’t know this friend at all. I know the superficial things. I know a bit about his past. I know a little about his family life. But much beyond that I don’t know him. I don’t even know his testimony or how he came to love Jesus. This is a conviction, I hate superficial relationships, I hate being fake, and that is exactly how I have been (in this particular case). Thankfully God has blessed me with the chance to try at this friendship again. On a deeper level. For this I am so thankful. In starting with this “retake” on our friendship I wanted to share something of his. He did an amazing little bible study and was kind enough to give a note he wrote...... He really highlights a deep area of concern in his life, an issue that I am really sharing at this point of my life. I don’t by any means want to take credit for what he wrote.... These are all his words. Goodness, I love this kid! God thanks for putting him back in my life. This note is testament to the fact that you brought him back into my life at just the right time. You work in the weirdest and most splendid ways. I love you God!

Words of wisdom about my approach to change:

     God makes it clear from the beginning (Proverbs 1:7)- that “fools despise wisdom and discipline.” He guides us by saying (Proverbs 3:5)- “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” The heart is one of the most important parts of our body in terms of chance, action, etc.. The heart must be protected  (Proverbs 4:23)- “Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.” Guarding is something I haven’t done well in, especially in my relationships. Going too far sexually and getting so emotionally invested leaves my heart unprotected and open to be broken or destroyed . Why wouldn’t I protect it? It is the wellspring of life, the center of life. I live my life better when my heart trusts n the Lord. I must also be careful however for (Jeremiah 17:9)-”The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” Following my heart may be the worst thing I cold ever do... According to God my heart is deceitful and incurable. My heart is literally sick and terminally ill. The darkness,deceit, lust, pride and selfishness cannot be fixed. It seems a hopeless battle as it often is, but God already knows how to help me. (Ezekiel 36:26,29) “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you, I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” I can’t remember how many times I have tried to change and fix the messes I’ve made, and the mess that I truly am. Each time I fell right back into the same patterns and addictions. I would take two steps forwards and three steps backward. Its like I never even changed at all. Butt God can make me new. He can give me a new heart an make me clean. I no longer have to be the screwed up person I am. I, by his grace, may be able to chance. I don’t want to use women for sex, hate the Christian community, be a terrible friend, yell and fight with my parents, not be understanding, and not be full of bitterness. No, no, no! I want to be a man who loves and respects his wife. I want to serve her, I want to be a better friend and love others with all that I have. I want to feel right and cared for in a church. And most of  all I want to love my family that doesn’t know me and that may treat me awful at times. I want to be more like you God. Give me a new heart and let your spirit be more present in my life. I want to do good things for you God and live a better life. (Luke 6:45) “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heat, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of the heart his mouth speaks.” God, the way I act, the way I choose to treat people and situations; and even the way I speak are a product of the state of my heart. I have a lot of thing I can do better and a lot of touch things to work through. But you can give me a new heart that overflows with love, care, excitement, and empathy. Help me live a fuller and better life. I know that this is a long process, but God give mea new heart. I love you so damn much! Thanks for rescuing a piece of crap like me. I cannot be more grateful for the grace you have given me. And thank you for the wisdom to be able to chance and love those I couldn’t love on my own. 

Love you Pops!

-Your son 

Dave Walters

     The day is Friday December 31st, and I am currently on an airplane traveling to Atlanta. This trip has been planned for months now, I am going to the Passion Conference. Basically 20,000 college aged Christians are all gathering in one place. God is going to bring down the house... He is going to move us, break us, and point us in new and wonderful directions. I am sure He will be working enormously at this conference... And I am STOKED to experience it all. My favorite author will be speaking as well: Francis Chan. He wrote the book Crazy Love. 

Anyways, here I am.... Sitting in DIA waiting for my flight to quit getting delayed. I am sitting around doing a Bible study with Dan wondering about all of the great things God is going to do on this trip. And then God started doing amazing things before I even got on the plane to Atlanta. I met an incredible person... His name is Dave Walters.

He first approached us to ask to use one of our cell phones. I let him barrow my iPhone. I am very protective of my phone, and so why I handed it over to a complete stranger is completely beyond me... But it worked out to my advantage. He talked for a few minutes with his mom, and then proceeded to take off further down the terminal

About 20 minutes later he came back and handed us a book. He was like, “Here you go, just finished it.” And so to avoid more awkwardness we asked what it was about. He said it was about some kid and a voyage he took that strengthened his faith. My first thought was, “Faith in what?” Then, I noticed he was carrying a Bible. Conversation proceeded, and we asked where he was going (he sat down next to us and so we had to talk to him lol). He said, “I am going to Portland, Oregon. I am going to start a church!”

Okay, wait.... What?? He was going to start a church, just flying out there... Now he had my attention... The three of us talked for about an hour, I want to share his story with you... I am going purely off of memory here and I am typing as fast as I can so I don’t forget any details, so please bare with me... 

Dave’s father died when he was in high school. At this point his mother gave him two choices (I am assuming because this bankrupted the family): Go to Military School, or go move to his relative’s (I think his aunt) house in Oregon. He chose the “move to Oregon” route. Dave worked on a farm there. Dave was raised an Atheist, and came to a very Christian town with a very Christian family to live. This obviously wasn’t going to go over well... He was, very shortly after arriving, invited to a medium sized bible study at someone’s house. He said that when he got there the first thing they did was pray. Some lady said something along the lines of, “God thank you for Dave. I know that you have brought him here for a reason. We thank you that he could be with us tonight.”

Later on that night the group proceeded to pray again, and in order to just fit in (he didn’t know what he was doing) Dave bowed his head and closed his eyes. These are Dave’s exact words: “I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know what they said, but when I closed my eyes I just felt like I was floating. I felt like there was someone out there that made himself known to me. I was scared, I didn’t know what to think or what was going on. But I was literally floating, some creator made himself known to me that day. It sounds weird, and I can’t describe it. But I knew I was missing something...”

It’s funny that just before I met him I finished writing about how everyone has their own individual stories and reasons to believe in God. His story sounds even more far fetched than when I tell people that I felt God reach into me and take away my pride. But God works in the weirdest ways, and because of our different life experiences we come to know God. And Dave would start to do that from this point after... He would start to know and find God in an amazing way

Dave was very educated when it came to the Bible and Christianity. He had basically been going around and seeing how different churches were doing things so that he could get an idea of how he wanted to run his church. He routinely repeated long bible verses word for word. He even went into Bible history, talking about all of the different translations of different stories of the Bible. Did you know that the Book of Matthew wasn’t originally written in Greek? I didn’t... He just knew SO much about Christianity... He told us random facts like that whenever the opportunity presented itself. The bottom line is this, I would have assumed he had gone to seminary school or something... But the story gets better.

He didn’t really explain how he came to such circumstances, but Dave was homeless until very recently. He spent 3 years on and off living on the streets of Portland. He said he was the only one amongst all of the Homeless people he had met that didn’t ever commit or crime or do some jail time. And he came out of being homeless in an even more amazing way... He used the financial aid offered through Portland Community College. That’s right, Dave went to college as a homeless person. And he used the 500 or so dollars extra  from his aid each semester to slowly get himself off of the streets... Combined with the shelter of a local church and donated home (the homeless house he lived in was donated by Christian singer/songwriter Dan York) Dave got out of his “mess”. 

Now he makes enough money to rent a place with a friend, he makes money by taking apart trashed electronics and selling the parts to people in other countries that actually attempt to repair their equipment (because in America we throw thing away when they stop working, and in other poorer countries our old electronics are ground breaking and brand new to them)... He didn’t really mention any other jobs, I don’t think he had any. And how he got enough money to travel was beyond me. He lived off of food stamps... But some how, I ran into him in DIA right as he was heading back home. 

Now for the best part, Dave was going to start a church for homeless people. He was going to have his church under the Burnside Bridge. This is church like Jesus intended, not a huge building but just a gathering of people. It was going to be an independent Protestant Church: “Truth instead of Tradition” was the motto. He was starting the church with his girlfriend, and it was going to have a sermon and then be an art school after the message. Basically homeless people could come hear God’s work and then make art under the instruction of Dave’s (extremely artistically gifted) girl friend. And then the art work they would keep and sell to companies and individuals in Portland with all of the proceeds going towards the church. 

Dave professed his passion for the homeless to us, he truly had a heart after God and a desire to help people. He said you wouldn’t believe how many homeless people are strong followers of Christ. And than he said this, “I don’t know where this church thing will go, I don’t know if it will work, it may ruin me. It may take all of my resources and leave me back on the streets. But I don’t care, I am not scared. I can’t live in fear, it will be worth it to try this... Even if I end up back on the streets, I am not scared.”

I was left speechless by this man. I got his house number, and I plan on staying in touch with him, I plan on praying for his work out in Portland. He inspired me in a million different ways... There was so much more that was said in our conversation, and I am still digesting a lot of it. But we should all be praying for him... We should all be encouraged and model our lives after such selflessness... God bless you Dave...... I will be praying for you constantly... 

God has laid so much on my heart already in these last few hours... And I am not even at this conference yet.... How great is our God? Please pray for me and the group of Kids I am with. Pray that God will do great work in our lives this weekend....... To God be all of the glory!

Reason Enough for Me

Is it not a little weird, believing in this all powerful and invisible being known as God? To describe such belief in this unseen creator as faith only begins to describe the circumstances. It would be easy to believe in God if he talked to us each day, if he came and met up with us at Starbucks, or if he just gave us some kind of a sign. I have made those sorts of prayers, “God, if you are out there, if you care for me and love me....... Than.... Let me know you are out there, give me something!” I don’t know about you, but I have yet to come across a burning bush, and I have yet to see the Red Sea be parted. We can read about all of these types of stories all throughout the Bible, but the common saying is: Seeing is believing. To dedicate your life towards believing in the “unseen” requires an immense amount of faith... I am, of course, just speaking the obvious here. 

What is really cool is when, in each of our lives, we find our own proof for God. Sure, there are the universal arguments for the existence of a god. For some people it comes by admiring creations- the moon, the stars, the planets, sunrises, snowy mountains, or lighting. Other’s might find proof for a god through more complex reasoning- tracing back the origins of life, arguments for motion, arguments for efficient cause, or arguments for the gradation of beings. And while all of these perplexing arguments for a god (or for the God of the Bible) certainly hold their worth, to me the best proof for God can be seen in looking at each and every individual’s “story”. 

There are literally billions of people who call themselves Christians. And before us, there were even billions more. This is no exaggeration, BILLIONS of people. These billions of people all share one thing in common: They all have (or had) faith in the existence of God. Even before science could begin to start explaining the ins and outs of the world, before the discovery of molecules and cells, and before evolution ever became a topic of debate; people have had faith in God. While I do not seek to discredit or rule out any scientific explanations that exist for or against God, I will argue that these overwhelming instances of people having faith in God can stand to be our best evidence. 

It is each person’s testimony, each person’s own experiences, and each person’s own reasons for believing in God that are so special. People just like you and me, with their own reasons for having a faith in God. Each person has their own story- God makes his presence felt in the most  unique of ways. If faith in God is so prevalent, than isn’t there some basis for believing in God. Surely these billions of people aren’t all lunatics... The fact of the matter is, even with science and all theology put aside, billions of people have found reason enough to believe. Billions of people have had faith in God, it is a an overwhelmingly abundant compilation of testimonies and experiences. Time after time, God has made himself known. Time after time, people have experienced God. Time after time people have lived and sworn by his existence. Time after time people have grown towards having a faith in this unknown and unseen God. 

And though I am just (literally) one in a billion, just a speck on this earth, I would like to share my “story”. Particularly I would just like to share with you a few  recent aspects of my life  that leave me here right now in awe. Aspects that, in my life, give me every reason to have a faith and belief in God.

1) The Ability to Read- That probably sounds pretty stupid, because like most of us I have been able to read since elementary school. However, I have struggled for years and years with what I consider to be a learning disability. I cannot read, and I don’t say that in the sense of, “I can’t do it because I absolutely hate it!” No, I literally mean I cannot read. I cannot ever read and retain anything. It is something I have only told a few people, and something that I have managed to work through and cover up for many years. 

During all of middle school and high school, I never once finished one of my school’s required readings. In fact, I used to bend the books and fold them at the spine to make it appear as if I had been reading. I could never even retain any information from my attempts to simply read Spark Notes. I would pay close attention in class and highlight anything that other students would mention as being important, so that I could refer back to the highlights for essays, and that was usually enough to get me through. I would play it off well, and just “brag” to my friends about how I never read any of the chapters and yet I got good (average) grades on discussions and on essays. But my bragging was merely a cover up, truth was I couldn’t have read the books at all. I tried everything, tried reading out loud, tried going slower, tried reading each page twice- nothing helped. 

On standardized testings I would just hunt and search for the answers throughout the readings. Likewise, reading scores on ACT’s or CSAP’s would be my lowest. And this is all hard for me to admit, especially because one of my biggest mentors towards the end of high school was in fact an English Teacher. But its the absolute truth. I BS’d my way through anything that had to do with English or Reading, I hated English! It was such a frustrating inability of mine that I would even make my girlfriend read aloud to me (sometimes hundreds of pages at a time) books, magazines, and Bible stories because I couldn’t do it for myself. Bottom line: I have a learning disability when it comes to reading and retaining ANY information. This is the absolute truth.......

And just this last month, I read my first book from cover to cover... It was a book titled Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I found the book at Wal-Mart, in the cologne aisle of all places. It was like a sign to me, though I “knew” I could never read it I bought it anyways. I finished the book the same night that I bought it, without the slightest of problems remembering what it was about. In fact I could just about summarize it chapter by chapter for you. This was the first of many books that I have read through these last months. I am addicted to Christian literature now. 

Beyond that, I am finally able to read and retain information from the Bible. My faith used to be entirely based off of what I had been taught about Christianity, based off of what I had learned from others. I used to tell people that I “wasn’t much for studying the Bible”, that “I didn’t care to know its ins and outs.” This was, of course, a lame coverup for my reading incompetence. I am reading through the Bible, reading through Christian books, and finally being able to explore for myself the wisdom of God. I don’t mean to turn this into a tear-jerking story, nor do I write this for sympathy. The point is this, for someone like me. For someone that truly struggled with reading, it is a miracle that I am now able to. It is living proof (in my life anyway) that God is right here with me... 

2) Pride Breaking- This is perhaps the greatest proof that there is a God. It isn’t mere coincidence that I prayed for God to break me of my prideful lifestyle, and then he sent me crashing and stumbling to the bottom. Without getting redundant or without telling my sob story, if you don’t believe in God... Pray that God will break you. If you don’t believe God is out there, have him humble you. If you want PROOF that God is out there......... Ask him to break you, because I promise you he will. And I promise you that you will be left speechless and doubtless. There is a God. 

3) Restlessness- I am a borderline insomniac. Anyone who has ever received a random text from me at 3:47 A.M. knows this. If you are ever up late and needing someone to talk to, I am always your guy. I sometimes get made fun of by some of my closest friends and family members at the fact that I always sleep in so late (usually till noon or later), but what people don’t see is that this isn’t necessarily by choice. I can’t sleep. I sleep in late because by the time I finally do fall asleep, waking up at noon is the only way to end up getting more than 4-5 hours of sleep. I will tell people I am going to bed, brush my teeth, get of of Facebook, and lay in bed. But I am restless... My mind races, my thoughts wonder, and I don’t have peace of mind enough to ever shut my body off. Its terrible. My father recently sat me down and had a talk with me about why I stay up so late. He was concerned, probably thinking I was up to no good... But I can’t help it.

Here’s a confession, during recent hardships I even got addicted to sleeping medicine for a few months. I would drink an entire bottle of Night Time Medicine within 4-5 days because it was the only way I could settle my mind down enough to stop thinking and sleep. I hid the medicine in the sock drawer, and bought a new bottle 2 times a week. I was restless to say the least. 

And then a friend made me promise to stop. Actually several did, they held me somewhat accountable towards stopping, enough to where I at least tried going without for a few nights. First night ended with no sleep, second and third nights ended with me finishing an entire season of House. And on the fourth night I prayed.... This is my exact prayer: “Lord, I am lost. My head is spinning and I can barely clear my thoughts enough to say this prayer. Give me your holly spirit, lay your hand on me, ease my mind, ease my heart, and ease my soul.” I think I fell asleep within a matter of minutes. God is tucking his child into bed every night even still. 

Is this sillly? Yes... But again, in my shoes, sleeplessness is a huge issue. In my life, God’s “hand” and peace at night is living proof that he is out there taking care of all of us. The fact that I can fall asleep at night is proof for me that there is a God.

4) Opening Doors- When one door closes another one opens. That is what we are all told. I have told you how God will flex his muscles and prove himself my breaking you, but he will also flex his muscles by building you. God has given me a new “fire” for his Kingdom. I know there is  a God because he has opened doors for me to do just that... At first I couldn’t make sense of what the point of all of my recent life events was. I didn’t see what God was doing in my life, but then I started to connect the dots. I realized I needed to do more. I realized I was wasting my time, I realized I was doing little to further his Kingdom. And so I started praying, “God, what is it you want to do with me? Why all of this trials and tribulations? I know you are calling me to do something Lord, I know you have plans for me, I know all of this is happening for a reason. I see you working in my life. I see where you are leading me, but I don’t see what waits for me at the end. Lord, open a door for me. Open several if you want. Open doors in my life. Lord I promise, if you open a door for me, if you guide me in a direction to further your kingdom than I will go running through that door. Lord I will give you everything I have.... Please Lord, open some doors, give me direction."

God has done just that. And I am STOKED at these opportunities. Excited, and nervous at the same time because I know the work these “doors” will require of me. 

-God has introduced brand new people into my life. People that I truly believe were placed into my life for a reason. People both of faith, and people without God. Many doors have opened in the sense of fellowship and brotherhood. I have the opportunity to slowly love new friends, and bring them towards Christ. 

-Another door has to do with a summer opportunity. I will be traveling to Africa this summer to work in a hospital with one of these new friends. This, in it of itself, is a miraculous opportunity to do missionary work, and to further God’s Kingdom in another country. And I get to share it with a new friend that I have been blessed with the chance of getting to know only recently. A friend who is going out of there comfort zone to travel with me and share this God given opportunity to serve. 

-This is the last and coolest of all of the “doors”. God has opened doors for me to write and share my faith with the world. This blog is only one example of that. I tear up every time someone tells me they benefited from reading anything I wrote. What a blessing it is to profess my love for God to others, and to give back glory to God. But it goes even a step further, I haven’t been blogging much recently because I have started writing a book... Yes, a book... I am putting everything I have into writing this. And let me tell you, I never saw myself as the writing type. But God opened a door for me, he laid on my heart a topic that I am very passionate about. I am about 50 pages in already... I don’t know where this will go, or if it will ever even get the chance to be published. But God opened a door for me, and I am running through it.... The doors that God has opened in my life are proof enough for me that he is out there... 

I’ll stop my list there.......

God is out there, and he may not be parting sea’s for you, he may not be talking through burning bushes, and he may not be sending down angels to your house. But if you listen, he will speak. If you observe, he is everywhere. If you look for the signs, he will give them to you subtly. The bible says If we seek him, he will make himself known to us. What you put in, you will get out.... Many have sought after God before you, and many have found Him. Christians everywhere swear by Him, and that is because he IS out there. Ready to have a relationship with you, ready to love you. I have no doubt of this... And I just want to close with this thought...

God is eternal, spaceless, and timeless. He has everything he needs, God needs nothing because he IS everything.... We need God, he doesn’t need us... Draw near to Him, and he will draw near to you... Believing in the unseen is hard, it takes faith. But if you ask God to show himself to you, I promise he will...