There are few days I think I will ever dread more than this one. It is impossible for me to escape my own thoughts and confusion when the very date reminds me of the past. But what is the point in having past recollection? It is only fitting, on this date, that I make this the very last time I blog with regards to any similarly involving “events” of my life. This is the last I will ever mention of her:
A few years ago today I told someone (word for word) this very bit of advice. I will never forget a single detail of what I said: “Your past doesn’t have to define you. I don’t care, and God doesn’t care, about the things in this life that you have or haven’t done. We all carry burdens, we all have made mistakes. But what matters, more than the events themselves, is the person you become because of it. And that very person, the person that has grown from all such mistakes, is the person I know and care about. Your past doesn’t have to define you, unless you let it. Unless you chose not to forgive yourself, and chose not to learn from your mistakes. Your past does not have to define you!”
Ironic isn’t it? That the very advice that I gave this person some three years ago (advice which jump started a friendship), is now the advice that I must now understand for myself. You see, I could chose to dwell on the past, I could chose to hold on to the pain and scars of all of my trials. And to some extent, I more than likely will. I believe it is possible to forgive, but almost always impossible to forget. There will always be scars. Scars, both in the literal and figurative sense, act as ever-lasting reminders of damage that has been done. And we all have scars. If ever you think your life has been tremendously damaged, I assure you there is someone who can make claims to even more extensive damage issues. My point is not to complain about my individual circumstances, but I will admit to the struggles that I am currently facing...
We can reflect on our past--the mistakes we have made, the troubles we have faced, and the damage other people have done onto us. But our attitude on such inter-workings of our lives is what is really of importance. The scars will always remind us that the past was real, but such scars do not have to chronically cause the same pain as the original “injury”. They remind us of what we have overcome, they should remind us of how we have gotten to the point we are at now. They should tell our story... There is a difference between being reminded of an event and reliving it. One involves basking in the content of the past (though you cannot undo anything), and the other involves reflection. Reflection on what has come and PASSED, reflection on how certain circumstances have shaped you into the person of present. Scars tell our life stories...
There is no point in dwelling on what has come and gone. There is no point in wondering how your life could have been different had certain events gone differently. And there is no point in letting the past negatively define who you are. I got my heart broken-- but that doesn’t mean I am (to this day) going to define myself as a heart broken person. I lost trust in the person closest to me-- but that doesn’t mean I am gong to define myself as a person who has trust issues. Regardless of the circumstances, our past doesn’t have to define who we are in the present. We are in control of one thing, and that is what is occurring now. Let the scars tell your past, tell how you came to the point you are at now. Learn from them, grow from them, and be the a stronger person today because of them.
I don’t live with regrets. I wouldn’t “go back and change” a single point in my life despite some (not-so-subtle) mistakes. My past doesn’t have to define me, I will only let my actions of the future do so. That is a choice we can all make...
The final part of this involves forgiveness. Not only do events of the past not have to define you--they also don’t have to define others. I will never entirely judge a person based off of what they have done in the past. I say “never entirely” because I admit that I am not perfect in my ability to forgive (but I am working on that). This is me admitting that I am guilty of this myself.-- holding the past against certain people.
Acting in any way besides forgiveness, however; is entirely flawed. Christians are called to turn the other cheek. The Bible says to let someone wrong you not three, four, four, five, six, or seven times--but seventy-seven. In other words, to give others all the grace in the world. To reflect the same grace and forgiveness unto others that Jesus showed us by dying on the cross. If someone slaps you across the face, turn your head and let them strike you on the other side.
If we desire to be forgiven of our sinful pasts, it would be a grand hypocrisy to not act accordingly: By forgiving others as well! It is hard for me, on this very day, to do so. But just as your past does not have to define you, neither do the actions or sins of others. Just because someone, at one point in their life, lived in a “wrong” way does not mean that you need to label them as a “bad person”. There are numerous instances of this in my own life. Friends who’s life now versus in high school are black and white. Friends who’s lives have taken a turn for the better. Yet their past seems to follow them around. I get sick of having to justify and defend my friendship with them. Excuse my anger here, but who gives a shit about how “they used to be”! I for one don’t! I only care about who they are now, who they have become. And I have friends, with hearts of gold, trying to seek out God, trying to change who they are-- but friends that can’t escape their past. And it is utterly saddening to me... But in the same way that others hold my friend’s past mistakes against them, I am in the same way guilty of STILL holding this one person’s mistakes against them.
What defines us? Our past, or what we do tomorrow? At any day the answer to that question can change in your very life. If you long to escape your past, then I encourage you to let others escape theirs. Life is this tricky series of ups and downs. It is a rough path. We will cut people, and we will get cut. People will be covered with scars...
I can reflect on this day, and start regretting the past. I can reflect on this day and grow in my animosity towards this person. Or I can offer forgiveness to both myself and my wrongdoers. Only letting the events of tomorrow define all of us.............
Roo-Roo,
May you grow in your faith, may your life be filled with blessings, may you live and grow in love. Your past, even still, will not define you. Do great things in God’s name, only focusing on the the future. Focus on God’s work, may he do great things in and through you. I forgive you, for all that is in the past. I forgive you...................
-Anth 4/5/2011
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